Further breaking news form VC10 Central

[Laurieg]

As some of you will remember I posted on this forum the new modification list that was being proposed for the future VC10 frames,(it's a little way down this forum list, under Breaking news from VC10 Central).
Well, now that we know that the government is changing somewhat, there is a new list coming out.
First, and foremost, we are doing away with aircrew completely. This not because the royals think they gods gift or that it has been noticed that they are just too good at Sudoku.

It makes sound sense to convert the old girl into a UAV.

Very little cost is involved. There will be next to no major MODs to be carried out, all you do is don’t let the last crew that flew that particular frame out and superglue them into the seats.
You do not need any avionic upgrades because crew react to stimuli. This usually comes in the form of KEO, Becks or Kokkinelli but in the main if you tell them to do something or go somewhere over the headset that is what they will do, easy! The engineers can be a little cranky at times but the Flight Engineers Reward Dispense Unit (FERDU) that was installed many years ago usually gets him to cooperate, (you know, that square box at the bottom of panel B), delivering a peanut if the right sequence of switches is performed.
Cameras will not be needed. The bottom hatch will be slightly widened so that you can jam the Loadie, who has been munching on the lemon cheesecake all his life, into it upside down, (let’s face it this is one member of the crew with an very sharp eye for a bargain down route), all that happens here is when he looks in the direction he is told, (on his speedtaped on headset), if he sees anything he screams out what he saw. It must be pointed out here that it is proposed to re-route a water pipe from the front galley to an appropriate orifice on the LM to keep him hydrated, the only problem with this bit is the scream might not be because he has seen something!
Cabin crew, as much as we know you are the salt of the earth, (and every GE’s idea of an all round good egg), there will not be a job anymore. This mainly because a similar mod will be carried out to the flight deck as for the loadie. They will be fed by the linies placing an empty butty box on the Eng’s table, (let’s face it, there is no chance in this world of a full one making it past the first nano second in a linies hand without a complete shift descending on it)! The up side to this is all cabin staff will be retrained as Sooties.
There is method in this madness. Even as we speak,(have a look on E-Goat), most of this superior trade are falling over themselves to get on the new tanker. 2 years and they are off so no sooties. As cabin staff are the next best thing to Sooties, (apart from GEs, that is), it does make sense, doesn’t it?
Well, this is probably the last bulletin from VC10 Central. 140 of us leave at the end of the year but rest assured those that are left until the end will carry on sending the old girl back as near new as the spares will let us, (and there is more meanings to ‘spare parts’ than the obvious)!